The terms top, bottom, and versatile describe roles during sexual intercourse, particularly among gay and bisexual men. A top is usually a person who penetrates, a bottom is one who receives penetration, and a versatile engages in both activities. These terms may be elements of self-identity that indicate an individual’s usual preference, but might also describe broader social, psychological, and/or sexual identities
A bottom is someone who receives penetration during intercourse, usually through the anus during anal sex. Bottom is also used as a verb meaning “to be penetrated by another, whether anally or orally.” Bottom may also describe a wider social context of submission within a romantic and sexual relationship, although this element does not apply to all people who prefer to bottom.
A total bottom is someone who assumes an exclusively passive or receptive role during anal or oral intercourse. A power bottom is someone who aggressively enjoys being the receptive partner. A versatile bottom is one who prefers to bottom but who tops occasionally. The term receiver or receptive partner may be preferred by some. An oral bottom (alternatively described as being the “oral active” partner) is the exclusively receptive partner in oral sex, providing the penetrative partner, or oral top (alternatively described as being the “oral passive” partner), with unreciprocated fellatio.
Anal sex is not limited to those of us who are gay, heterosexual women engage in anal sex with their husbands as well, and even men who identify as heterosexual, allow their female partners to strap up with dildos and other penetrative objects and insert them for sexual amusement and gratification. “Bottoming” is not an activity, limited to gay men, but one that many people across lines of sexual identity explore.
There are two good positions to start out with. In the easier one, both you and your boo, lie on your side, top’s front to bottom’s back. However, sometimes the person first starting out, will prefer to be on top so he can control the situation. In this position you face your partner, who is on his back, and you sit on his penis. Being on top will relieve what may be one of the main anxieties: that he will enter too quickly.
The first few times you are bottom you may have the uncomfortable sensation that you are about to go boo boo. Only after several experiences will you learn to tell the two sensations apart.
For those wishing to explore this aspect of your sexuality, perhaps you can use a toy, or your fingers first, to make yourself comfortable, before actually engaging in full sexual intercourse. One note of caution: Fingers, dildos, and penis can be pleasurable and safe, but don’t get too carried away. Don’t use glass bottles, sweet potatoes, light bulbs, fresh produce (bananas, cucumbers, etc) or toy cars (unless it has a remote control. LOL). They might slip outta your hand, get lost in there, and then you’ll have to take a trip to the E.R. And ain’t nobody got time for that!
It’s okay to explore what you like sexually, including bottoming, in this session, we talk about it.
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